A Guy or Chick Flick, Part 2 – Older Love Stories

Alright class, we’ve already gone through a few movies in our past article.

Today, we go back to study and classify older romance movies as either a guy or chick flick.

Why, you ask? Well, like my editor said, people need to go back to the past to study the present effectively.

And since our editor has a few doctorate units, he passed on some of the knowledge he gained from his doctorate professor top me.

The word is seminal.

Okay people, let’s say it all together! S-E-M-I-N-A-L. Doesn’t that just roll off your tongue fluidly? Say it again with me! S-E-M-I-N-A-L.

Wonderful. You’re almost ready grasshopper.

In the words of our editor, the word has something to do with going back to the research paper that started it all. Or something like, that.

You know, all that geekspeak with my editor made me feel like my IQ went up a few points, but it hurt like heck. So read on. Who knows, after reading this article, your IQ might just go up as well. Then we can all have intelligent conversations in geekspeak.

Now that we are done with that nose-bleed inducing discussion on beginnings, we can once more concentrate on the real reason why we classify movies in to guy and chick flicks – girls.

As you know humans use their senses to go through life, including the process of courtship. And since movies cater to two senses, sight and sound, going back to the dawn of time may assist you in getting the girl of your dreams.

Before we go on, I must caution you. What you are about to do is extremely dangerous. Do not do this without ample preparation.

Watching old movies can eat up as much of four hours of your life. You will also have to listen to the dialog as there are less special effects to keep our short attention spans in riveted to the screen.

The resolution and colors of these old movies are also bad, compared to the high definition ones we see today. Things may look grainy and even have those hairlines moving about the screen.

It’s really bad stuff man.

On the plus side, watching a movie for such a long means that you’ll have the girl of your dreams with you twice or three times as long. It also means that she’ll be trying to listen to the dialog and may not notice you stretching that arm behind her as you yawn.

So again, without much fanfare, let us begin:

An Affair to Remember (1957)

This is a chick flick.

Back in the land before time, it was the rich spoiled guy that had the seemingly impossible romance with the normal girl.

I guess things were just different back then. But unlike a lot of movies today, this particular one worked out quite well.

A rich playboy flirts with a prim and proper lady on a yacht. Both are romantically attached to others and try their best to fight it, but love triumphs over their resistance.

One would think that it is sappy, but Cary Grant carries his character with dignity. While Deborah Kerr is perfect as his lady love.

Ah, so much like real life. Only in the movies we’re talking about a millionaire and a teacher who earns enough money from great students to support all her needs.

Come to think of it, where do we find great students now a days? How about a teacher who earns enough to pay the bills? Hmm. This is an old movie.

At least the heirs can be found easily. All one has to do is check the internet for stolen tapes and you have the making of a series of movies. Oops. That’s an heiress, not an heir. My mistake.

This has a good chance of getting the girl you want in the mood. Just make sure to stay in character even after the movie is done so you don’t destroy the magic.

Casablanca (1942)

This is a guy flick.

Make sure to get the original one in black and white as it has more character than the colored one.

Moving on, a guy with a jaded past. A love lost at a train station. The Third Reich closing in. And an extremely complicated love triangle with an interesting ending.

Oh yeah, this is definitely a man’s movie.

Although for the life of me, I can’t understand how women of that generation would swoon over Humphrey Bogart. I mean, have you seen the guy?

Now Ingrid Bergman is something else. Even I fell in love with her when I saw her. A round gentle face, vulnerable eyes, non-collagen lips, and everything else is the original equipment of the manufacturer, or OEM.

The lines from this movie are immortal so make sure to listen to them.

Now I’m not recommending you say them with girls you meet on the dance floor or a bar as they’ll probably think you’re taking something illegal. But if you time it just right with the right girl, you can create enough magic of your own.

Gone with the Wind (1939)

This is a chick flick, but just barely.

This time around we have a rich, strong woman pitted against a scoundrel of a man during a time of war.

And while Han Solo may have brought a new meaning to the word scoundrel in Star Wars thirty years later, Rhett Butler was the seminal one.

Let’s say it all again children, S-E-M-I-N-A-L. And don’t you forget it.

Again, pay attention to the dialog. but be careful where you wield it as it is a powerful weapon. And with great power comes great responsibility.

Boys, this is one movie you need to watch with that girl since the ending will leave a lot of room for you take it to the next level.

You’ll need to be careful though, as it requires the utmost timing to execute perfectly. And for that, you may need training by watching the last movie on this list.

West Side Story (1961)

Definitely a chick flick.

Well with all that dancing and singing, it is irrefutably something a real guy would not consider his own.

I bet you didn’t know that this is an adaptation of Shakepear’s Romeo and Juliet, did you? You did? Hmm. You really need to get out more then.

Anyway, if you’ve actually paid attention to what they were teaching you in school, you would also know that this is a tragic story. Eh, you knew that too? Are you sure it’s girls you’re looking for? Because if it’s not, you may want to skip the rest of this article.

Anyways, this is one movie I would avoid as you court that girl who has captured your attention. There’s just too much tragedy for a delicate friendship to take. What you need is something positive and happy.

However, if she is already your girlfriend and your bond is strong, this may be a good time to watch it. Who knows, she just may cling to you as the end credits roll up the screen. Just make sure to keep enough tissue around.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

Okay, I’m kidding. I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention after all this time.

The movie I really meant was The Count of Monte Cristo (1934) which is a guy flick, by the way.

Now since I mentioned timing earlier, this movie is the perfect example of it.

After being unjustly imprisoned for twenty years, Edmound Dantes returns as a filthy rich man, extracts revenge on his enemies, and gets the girl in the end.

Okay, so maybe twenty years is a long time for you to get the girl of your dreams. But by that time, you may be fat, balding, and have nasty gas control manners.

But then think of it this way, your ladylove may have aged much more gracefully than you have. She may still have a wonderful smile, a toned body, a healthy mind, and a wicked sense of humor to go with all of that.

And perhaps by this time, your zits would have dried up, your pigsa would have been drained, and your body odor would have come under control.

You’d also be richer than some countries, drive the latest Ferrari, and get to take time off from your conglomerate of businesses just to take your lady out to lunch in Paris.

Now wouldn’t that count, Count?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, don’t bother asking your young girl to watch this movie, she may think you to be rather disturbed. Only a true lover of film can appreciate such a spectacle, so either you wait another twenty years or you watch this one on your own.

And there you have it, another five movies classified as guy or chick flicks. And since it’s two o’clock in the morning, my brain has begun to turn to jelly already.

Problem is I should have stopped four hours ago when I had the chance, but seeing the trailer of an old movie just kept me up till this article was done.

My editor tells me that there will be more of this series in the months to come. And while I don’t understand half of the geekspeak he said when I submitted this article, I have no doubt there will be more.

Till then, good luck with that girl you’re courting. And remember, true love can only be found in the movies.

Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m sure you’ll find something eventually. It may not be right now because the time isn’t right so just be patient.

So while you’re at it, watch a movie. Who knows, it may actually help you.